Is “Resilient” a Dirty Word?

During my first year teaching the Spiritual Direction Practicum, I learned an important lesson. People are tired of being called “resilient.”

I was teaching a lesson to our fall 2020 cohort. I used a quote about resilience, and people had a pretty negative reaction. After the lesson, I thought a lot about the feedback the students gave.

The cohort consisted of many people who are marginalized for their identities—folks of color, queer folks, trans folks, and disabled folks. 

Back then, it was still relatively early in the COVID-19 pandemic, but even so, the loss of resources, access, and even life had already disproportionately fallen on those of us most impacted by systems of oppression. 

People were tired of being called resilient in a moment where they didn’t want to have to be–instead, they wanted relief. They wanted rest. They wanted care. Being called resilient was less a compliment and more an uninvited mandate.

It’s my third year teaching the Spiritual Direction Practicum and my second year leading the curriculum. I learn from Still Harbor students every day. The lesson they taught me about letting go of resilience as a goal stays with me every day.

People don’t want to be resilient. They need spiritual care and the ability to lean into their softness more than ever. Folks are tired of being expected to be strong and to tough out this sometimes incredibly cruel world.

At Still Harbor, we train trauma-informed spiritual caregivers who are committed to doing their work in service of collective liberation, especially in service of communities who are often underserved and cast out of other spiritual or religious spaces.

If you would like to help support spiritual care in this tumultuous time, especially care for people on the margins, please give today. We hope to offer more programming and alumni gathering space in the next program year, but we need your help to do so.

We dream of a time when no one will need to be resilient but instead, everyone will be able to just rest in the fullness of who they are. Until that time comes, we will do all we can to train spiritual caregivers who hold the stories, triumphs, and pain of our communities. 

Thank you for your continued support of Still Harbor and life-giving spiritual care.

Sincerely,
Marchaé Grair

Co-Director, Still Harbor